A reason, a season, or a lifetime

I often hear the saying people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I love this saying. I’m not sure of the origins of this saying. I couldn’t tell you where it came from, who originally said it, but, I truly believe, as with many clichés they are clichés because there is truth to what is being said. I decided to investigate this saying a bit, figure out where it came from. I found a poem. It’s quite a beautifully written poem. I personally have had many people come into my life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. We all have. The hard part is accepting when someone you thought was there for a lifetime, it turns out, was really only there for a reason or a season.

I believe everyone we meet in life has something to teach us. We can learn from everyone. I can name several people who have shaped and influenced me in my life. Even those at the time I didn’t realize were shaping or influencing me. My old boss John Rockwell is one. A man that at times angered me beyond points I ever knew that I could get angry. Unable to understand it at the time, I realize now he was pushing me beyond my limits, beyond my comfort zone because he had faith in me. He knew I could “figure it out” as was one of his catch phrases that often drove me insane. He worked me, he worked me hard. He pushed me, he aggravated me, he made me laugh, and he made me cry. He also, always supported me. He is the reason I no longer question my gut instincts at work. I no longer second guess what I have to say before I say it. I have a new boss now, a new company. But Rock, as we affectionately called him, is never far from me. I will be honest; when I left Rock I didn’t truly understand the mentoring he gave me. I didn’t fully appreciate it at the time. I do now. When I find myself saying something at my new company that is so completely a Rockwell statement, it makes me laugh. I don’t find myself thinking I have nothing to contribute, that someone knows better. Rock instilled in me the confidence that I, I do know best. For that, I will be forever grateful to him for being in my life for a reason.

Another person I believe was in my life for a season. He’s my own personal Mr. Big. The one I just never quite let go of. He taught me so much about my ability to be vulnerable. I am not good at vulnerable. I have walls. I have immense, gigantic walls up that if you can even get across the moat to get to the walls you’re braver than most. It’s a self protectionist’s go to response when, well, protecting themselves from hurt. No one likes to get hurt, no one enjoys it. As humans we don’t like pain, whether that pain was caused by a broken foot, a broken heart, or the death of a loved one. To allow someone in, to let them get across the moat, scale the 12 foot high brick walls, and get to the other side. That takes a lot for a self protectionist to do. It puts us in such an extremely vulnerable place that it is scary. We will push back; we will fight to keep them out; we will anger them to get them to walk away. But, every once in a while, someone will still keep coming and cross that moat, scale those walls, get in, and show you that letting someone beyond those walls can be an amazing, exciting feeling. It can bring you joy and happiness you never knew was possible. Of course, a person who is only there for a season, they don’t stay. How do you differentiate between people who are there for a season as opposed to a reason? This person, who was only there for a season, still taught me something. Does this make them a reason or a season in my life? In my eyes, both. Mr. Big was never meant to stay, but he was still meant to teach me something. I have learned as much as it hurts, it feels good to let someone beyond those walls and into the core of who you really are. That it’s ok, one day, to let someone else in beyond those walls, someone who is worthy to get beyond those walls. I fight, I struggle between closing myself off again – a self protectionist’s go to response to life. But I am trying to take what I have learned, and remember that letting someone worthy to get across that moat and over those walls will show himself again, and when he does I will remember what I’ve learned and maybe not make it so difficult for that person climbing over. Maybe I’ll let my hair down a little more; maybe I’ll remember that letting people in to the core of who you are, it feels good to do so.

There are many, almost too many people in my life that I could list who are, for me, lifetimes. I wrote about one earlier, Bridget Murphy. Someone I’ve always looked up to. I also have some amazing best friends that I don’t need to name because they know who they are (two of them have blogs in my list to the right!) I have learned from these friends, I have become who I am today because of these friends. Four of those who I know without hesitation will be in my life for a lifetime were also once roommates of mine. These girls have taught me how to be more independent, how to be more open, how to hug more, that air kisses are ok. Through these four girls, I’ve made other friends that I also know are in my life for a lifetime. If it weren’t for them my circle of amazing girl and guy friends would not be what I call it today. I don’t know that I would have made it through Hurricane Irene without these friends. Texting one another, checking in on one another, showing me that just when you think you’re all alone (it was a long, quiet 3 day weekend in my house just me and my cat Zoe) you’re so far from alone it’s remarkable. Those who reached out to me this weekend, they were all my lifetimes. My two best friends from high school, my parents, my sister, my cousins, and my four ex-roommates all checked in on me. And I think I showed my lifetime-ness to them as well, checking in on my friends here in NJ that were down the shore where the hurricane was poised to hit hardest, those that were in flood zone prone areas. That’s the thing about friendship. It’s a two-way street. It’s give and take. They take care of you when you need them; you take care of them when they need you.  We need to recognize and cherish those who are here for our lifetime because the funny thing about life, it’s short. Before you know it your lifetime, or your loved ones is up, and if you haven’t cherished your lifetimes, cherished YOUR lifetime, well that’s just a regret one can not live with.

As with those who are in our life for a reason or a season, we also learn from those who are in our life for a lifetime. It’s important to realize that those who came for just that reason or season helped to shape who we become in life. Yet, so do those who stay in our lives for a lifetime. I believe that everyone that comes into our life, in some form, in some way, has something to teach us about life, love, ourselves. You can learn from everyone who comes into your life. We just have to remember to be open, be willing, and be vulnerable.