Confessions of an online dater

Ok, so I’ve been online dating. As I mentioned before, it’s a scary world out there, the online dating world. But, I hear all these stories about so and so that met so and so online and now they’re in love, blah, blah, barf. I’ll be honest; as much as I’d like to I can’t classify the know someone who knows someone who met someone great online stories into urban dating myths because, well, I personally know someone who married someone he met online, and two others who are in serious long term relationships with guys they met online. So, they provide me the hope and I keep pushing through.

I recently went out with two different guys that I had met online. The first guy, we’ll call him Marine (original name, I know), was an ex marine, currently going to college, and waiting to get the call to head to the police academy. From the emails and phone calls he seemed nice enough, so we met one night for sushi. First thing I notice is he’s asking me if I want him to pick me up. Um, no, you’ve been trained to kill in I don’t know how many different ways. Thanks, I’ll take my chances and drive myself to the restaurant. Second thing I notice is we had decided on a restaurant, and then he says well, maybe we can go somewhere closer to you. The restaurant was nearer to where he lived. I suggest a sushi place that’s half way between the two of us, however, it’s BYOB. For those of you who don’t know, and believe me, this was a shock to me as well when I first moved to New Jersey, not every restaurant in New Jersey has a liquor license. Apparently they’re very expensive and hard to come by. So, many restaurants will get what they call a corking license. You bring the alcohol; they can open it for you. So he says, “Oh, no, I don’t want to go to a BYOB. I think it’d be odd walking in with a six pack for me and a bottle of wine for you.” I think to myself, how much do you plan on drinking tonight? Anyway, so I meet him at the restaurant and we sit down. Marine, being an ex marine, sits in a way so he can see the entire restaurant and if anyone is coming at him. Quirk of his training I suppose. We order our drinks and review our menus. Marine starts talking. I honestly don’t remember majority of the conversation, what I do remember is he talked. A lot. No, no, I mean He. Talked. A. LOT. For those of you who know me, I can talk, a lot. For me to notice that someone is talking a lot, means they were talking in a ridiculous amount. Here’s the funny thing about the date. I could probably tell you everything about Marine. Ask Marine to tell you about me, and I doubt he could tell you anything. I know that Marine was a sniper and Special Forces. I know that Marine has 5 brothers and sisters. I know that Marine grew up in NJ but then in high school moved to Las Vegas and then joined the marines and after that was over moved back to NJ. I know that his mother and step father and brother are still in Las Vegas. I know that his father and the rest of his siblings are here in NJ. I know that his roommate is currently living with him because he’s going through a divorce and could no longer stand living with his parents. I know that he is studying engineering but considering switching to psychology because a lot of vets need help after seeing what they see and that a doctor without having been in combat can’t give them the help the vets truly need. Side note – I thought this was cool of him.  Anyway, I also know that he scored a 98% on the police exam. I know that he was wounded (I don’t know how, this he didn’t tell me). I also know that he knows nothing about me. He barely asked any questions about me, barely let me talk when he did ask questions, and kept talking about my brother in the marines. I should mention a) my brother is not in the marines and b) my cousin is active duty military however, he is army. All of which I correctly (it’s my family, I think I would know) stated to him, however, he continued to talk about my brother the marine. By the end of the night I stopped correcting him and just would smile and nod when he talked about my brother the marine. By the end of the night I stopped doing much of anything except smiling, nodding, drinking my white wine and eating my sushi. At the end of the night Marine walked me to my car, hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and asked me out again, saying if I don’t have to take my roommate to his parents house (why his roommate can’t drive himself I didn’t care to ask for an explanation) then let’s hang out Saturday night. I said ok, I’m not really sure why I said ok, I guess I just thought what the hell. Marine never texted or called me again and I never bothered to text or call him either. Who knows why he never followed up, and honestly, who cares? Maybe Marine was busy driving his roommate to my brother the marine’s house.

Contestant number two in the dating game that is my life we shall call Granola. Granola emailed me and it was sweet, nice and he used proper grammar. So, I checked his profile. First clue I should have gone no further, he has a picture of himself with his VW bus. Second clue, he has long hair. Third clue, he likes camping and hiking and while every once in a while I will go on a nice hike, I’m not like an every weekend lets go commune with the woods kind of girl. So, I thought, well, you never know he seems smart and sweet so I emailed back. We chatted a bit over email and then texted a bit. We finally met up on a Sunday afternoon at a cute New Orleans style bar/restaurant. When I arrived he was wearing a plaid shirt and yup, he still had long hair, pulled back in a pony tail. Still not wanting to be rude we sat down. The place was packed with Giants fans. Hoping to sit at the bar where we could see the game, he asks the hostess for a table. We sat down and he asks me “Do you like football?” With hopes up, I respond, “Yes, you?” He says, “No.” Hopes dashed that was the end of that discussion. We start talking and he’s a video editor in TV and a great photographer. We spent about 3 hours at the bar and had good conversation and bonus points, he not only asked about me, but listened to the responses.  However, the more we talked the more I realized this guy just isn’t for me. The VW bus I mentioned earlier? He told me about it and how sad he was when it died and he had to sell it. He mentions a camping trip he went on recently with friends and said, “I am going to have to bow out gracefully on next year’s trip.” I ask why. He says, “Well, I knew this year’s trip was going downhill when they wanted to rent a speedboat.” All I could think was what’s wrong with that? Sounds like a great time to me. Then he says, “They’re talking about bringing a sheet and projector next year so they can watch movies at night.” Again, thinking, what’s wrong with that? And ends with, “These guys bring coolers filled with beer and finish them off when the weekends over.” Again, what’s wrong with that? I felt it was inappropriate to ask on a date if his friends were single and cute because their version of camping, IF I were to ever go camping, sounded WAY better than his version to me. Anyway, he also walked me to my car, hugged me, kissed me on the cheek and said goodbye. Later when I arrived home he texted saying he had a good time and let’s do it again. I said yes. I’m not sure why. I convinced myself because he was nice it’d be worth it, but, as one of my BFFs said to me, why force it? You’re wasting both his and your time. She was right.

Since these two dates I’ve been emailing with a few other guys online. It’s hard though. It’s time consuming to get to the first date only to find out nothing’s there. Scrolling through profiles, emailing only to not get a response back, or worse, getting emails from guys that are so off the wall or rude you’re like, really? You expect someone to respond to that? I have kind of come to a place where I will keep my profile up, and keep somewhat active, but I’m focusing on me here. I’m doing what I want, when I want, with whom I want, how I want. I have a list of things to get to and with or without anyone to do them with me, I’m gonna do them. I think the more I focus on me and living my life the easier I think finding someone to share it with will be. And hopefully he won’t only ever talk about himself or be in love with his VW bus.