Ok Cupid...or is that stupid?

As I sit in my house this weekend waiting out the effects of Hurricane Irene I have decided to venture into the world of online dating. I’m unsure if online dating is for me. I have tried it a few times, but never put a lot of effort into it. This time I decided I am going to try it, once again, but actually put effort into it. I am really reading profiles. I am actually looking at what each person is about, what they are looking for, what they love, and yes, I’m vain, so I’m looking at their pictures, too. It just amazes me though what you find out there. I have seen everything from one man’s headline that states, “Just looking for someone normal.” Really? Aren’t we all? Another man states in his profile if I took the time to email you, you should take the time to email me back. Thank you for teaching me manners before I’ve ever even met you. This same man also states in his profile he likes his girls to dress up for him, wear heels and garters, lingerie and the likes. Wow, um, are you looking for a hooker or a relationship? I don’t mind doing nice things for my boyfriend, dressing up, being sexy for him but please don’t put in your profile any of that. Let’s discuss that once we’ve gotten past the “what do you do for a living” conversation. 

I received an email from a man last night. He seemed nice enough, I liked his profile, he looked cute in his pictures. So, I responded. We exchanged numbers and started texting. First clue this wasn’t going to go far…he says to me Crystal. Do you come with a spoon because you look delicious. Really? Can we say cheesy? Perplexed I say that’s a new one. Usually the joke that goes along with my name is comparing it to a particular illegal substance. He says, oh, are you a drug? Still perplexed I respond I do drive some people crazy. Then he asks me if I have any tattoos. I say yes. He asks where. I tell him. He asks if I have pictures of them I say no. Who keeps pictures of their tattoos on their phones? Then he says do you have any other pictures. I say no, I don’t make it a habit to keep pictures of myself on my phone. I’m vain, but not that vain. He responds I have pictures but I’m unsure if I should send them. This led me to believe these pictures were rated R not G and I stopped responding and plan to never respond again.

If these things didn’t happen to me I almost wouldn’t believe they could happen. I personally know people who have met amazing boyfriends online. I’ve known one who got married to the person they met online. I know it can happen I’m just unsure it will happen for me this way. I’m trying to have faith though and will continue to weed through the many, many profiles and see how it goes. The fact is sadly, great boyfriends are not just dropped off at your front door. Talking today to my (straight) male BFF he offered to look over my profile and give me tips to make sure I wasn’t attracting the unwanted attention including the latest email I received stating the man emailing me was 5’9”, 180 pounds and looking for a friendship and/or a casual sexual relationship. I wrote back and said I am not looking for that (hello read my profile please) and promptly deleted and blocked this particular gentleman. Man, it’s a scary, scary world out there online. But, as my male BFF reminded me, it’s no different than the bar. You could still meet that man who is only looking for a casual sexual relationship and you could still meet that man that’s also looking for something more serious, but just isn’t for you. His point, totally valid, led me to continue with the online dating world. Albeit somewhat reluctantly, but I’m out there, I’m online, I’m trying and as stated in my last post He’s just not that into you, “after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.” So this is me, not giving up hope. Yet. Then again, maybe I’ll just get a puppy and call it a day. They’re loyal, always at the door to greet you when you come home, happy to see you no matter what you look like or what mood you’re in, but they’re not potty trained. Then again, are men really ever potty trained? Decisions, decisions.

He's just not that into you

“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe...it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.” Gigi

I loved the book He’s Just Not That Into You. I loved the movie as well. They were, for me as a female told all the things growing up that Gigi mentions in the quote above, eye openers. It is one of the few chick flicks Hollywood has put out that I believe showed life and love as close to reality as many of us real girls get. Tell me you don’t know a friend or family member who could relate to Ginnifer Goodwin, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Connelly and, yes, even Scarlett Johanson’s characters. Some of the advice given in the book and acted out in the movie seems simple enough to understand and only a dumb person wouldn’t get it. Example, if a man cheats on you he just isn’t that into you. Well, duh. Or how about this one: you go on a date, think everything went well, the guy gives you all the “I like you” signals, and then you never hear from him. You think, ok, guess he didn’t like me. Well, not necessarily true. After polling several male friends and advice books, I’ve learned men will not call when they don’t like you and they’ll not call when they do like you. Really? Thanks for making that clear cut and simple to understand.

Dating is difficult; those of us out there in the dating world know this.  Those NOT in the dating world can certainly remember how difficult it was. I feel like the invention of texting and social networking has increased the level of difficulty in dating.  As also brought up by Drew Barrymore’s character, Mary, in the movie He’s Just Not That Into You: “I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It’s exhausting.”

Sadly, the stork doesn't drop off amazing boyfriends at our doors. As much as I LOVE to watch chick flicks, I HATE them. I mean, really, who is that lucky to have some gorgeous landscaper work on their house and fall in love with them. Or switch houses with a stranger for a holiday and fall in love with the stranger’s brother and/or neighbor. Or go off to Ireland to propose to your boyfriend only to end up with the gorgeous Irish guy who helps you to GET to said boyfriend to propose. Don't get me wrong, I'd love for any of it to happen to me, but let's be real. Stuff like that doesn’t happen to real girls. The third act twist doesn’t exit. The grand gesture, it isn’t for us real girls. Maybe it’s out there for some, and they will continue to be the “urban relationship myths” as coined so eloquently by Miranda in Sex in the City to give us single gals out there hope. But I have come to the conclusion that when it comes to chick flicks, life does NOT imitate art.

In love, as with life, there are no guarantees, no absolutes. This is what makes dating so damn difficult. Of course, the “urban relationship myths” certainly don’t help a gal out either.  The minute we gather up the courage to accept that said person just isn’t that into us, a well meaning friend, always a female, will tell you no, no my friend’s cousin’s friend met this guy and they went on a date and didn’t talk again for six months and then they ran into each other and bam now they’re happily married. These well meaning girlfriends are doing what we girls are taught to do, supporting one another.  Supporting our fellow female (quite often this support involves tears, tissues, and copious amounts of ice cream and/or alcohol).  It’s these well meaning girlfriends that give us real girls hope about our particular pathetic dating circumstance.

For me, because I love my girlfriends, I will continue to accept their support about my pathetic dating circumstances, because, as Gigi states, “after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.” And I, for one, am not ready to give up hope that my happy ending is out there. It may not be a third act twist, a grand gesture, a chick flick worthy story book ending. But, I have faith my happy ending is out there and I shall find him. Part of my journey on these 101 things in 1001 days is meeting the person that I will share my happy ending with. Maybe I shouldn’t have put a time frame on meeting him, but life is a journey not a destination (as the cliché says) and these 101 things are part of my life journey and do I hope I meet him before my 1001 days are up? Yes. If I don’t will I die? Nope. I’ll just give $50 to charity and move on to the next 1001 day journey of my life having never given up hope.

Going Paleo

Two items on my list, going Paleo and joining a Cross Fit gym are there because of a friend of mine that I’ve had since, holy hell, 2002. Bridget and I met when I moved back to California after college. We worked together in the ever fascinating marketing department at a mortgage company. We spent a lot of time at that job talking and laughing, mostly about our cats and how hysterical they could be. Oh, and we did a little bit of work, too. Bridget was, even then, probably one of the healthiest people I knew. A foodie, a wine lover, and traveling junkie, her and her husband Ray I can say to this day are two people I would be honored to live my life like. They set a sky diving record; have traveled to more of my bucket list places than I’ll ever hope to get to, are advocates for animal rights, own their own businesses, and moved from Chicago to Huntington Beach, California to Atlanta and now are in San Francisco.

Via the beauty of social networks and email, I have remained in touch with Bridget. While in Atlanta they opened a Cross Fit gym and became advocates for the Paleo lifestyle. In 2004 I started a personal journey toward living a healthier lifestyle. I lost and have kept off 30 pounds (with an admitted up and down here and there).  However, the thing that has nagged me has been those last stubborn 10 pounds. I spoke to Bridget about my list and told her going Paleo for a week was on my list. She told me give me 30 days and I promise you’ll lose those 10 pounds. I put a week on my list because I didn’t want to set myself up for failure, however, there is a wedding in September I am attending and I’d love to have those 10 pounds gone by then. So, I’ll up the anti and give Bridget her 30 days and I will begin on Aug. 15.  I know, I know, every diet begins on Monday, or so people say, and then they never start. But, in my defense I have to clean out my pantry and refrigerator, go grocery shopping and pull down some recipes if I’m really going to commit to this. Something tells me the hardest part will be NOT putting creamer in my coffee.

I didn’t intend for this journey into Paleo to be so sappy, but, Bridget truly is someone I look up to (granted she’s only 2 years older than me!) Although I understand her life isn’t perfect, she lives it with a zest that I wish others would embrace. I am taking steps to embrace that zest…although something tells me there may be A LOT of curse words along the way to said zest.

101 Things in 1001 Days

I’m not a joiner. Never have been, probably never will be. I hate group exercise classes at the gym. I was never one to be a part of student counsel in school. Shoot, it took me almost 10 years after I registered to vote to pick a political affiliation. However, a few friends recently have started blogs all beginning with this list: 101 Things in 1001 Days. I thought this was a great idea and something I could join in on, without, of course, actually having to join anything. I’ve hit a point in my life where although proud of all I’ve accomplished so far, like many of my fellow gen x’rs I feel like there has to be more out there. Yes, it turns out reality does bite. 1001 days is almost 3 years. My 35th birthday is coming in 4 months and 3 weeks. Many of the things on the list below I thought I would have accomplished by 35. Since I didn’t, well, now is the time for me to kick myself in the ass and as my friend from Dallas would so kindly say to me, get ‘er done. Some of these are easy, some are long term goals, and two in particular are slightly out of my control (you’ll know which ones those are when you read them). Without further ado, here’s my list (P.S. for those who know me is it so shocking I fell in love with the idea of a list like this?):

1. Buy a plant and NOT kill it
2. Buy a house (currently own a condo, but would like to one day have a house)
3. Run a 5K
4. Change the door knobs on all my doors in my condo by myself
5. Host Thanksgiving dinner at my home
6. Go to a professional football game
7. Lose those last 10 pounds
8. Travel to Istanbul
9. Go to Seattle
10. When my hair has grown long enough, chop it and donate it to locks of love
11. Learn how to make jam
12. Attend the yoga class at my gym 2 times a week (yes, this goes against me joining)
13. Go apple picking
14. Find a career I love
15. Take my niece on a vacation just her and I
16. Find a long-term volunteer opportunity
17. Learn to knit like my mother does
18. Travel to Australia
19. Buy a grown up bedroom set, not the ikea college dorm special I have now
20. Take more photos
21. Remember to live in the moment more often instead of always looking to the future
22. Learn to love my body
23. Gut and redecorate my bathroom (this I WILL get professional help on)
24. Go to Hawaii
25. Take 3 photography classes (0/3)
26. Get a puppy
27. Go to a Lakers game
28. Blog at least once a week
29. Go surfing
30. Use my passport at least once a year (3/3)
31. Eat Paleo for one week
32. See Wicked on Broadway
33. Read Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice
34. Try pilates
35. Dance
36. Put my blackberry away when out with friends and family
37. Play the lottery
38. Go hiking
39. Go on a cruise
40. Take a kitchen knives skills class
41. Take a cooking class
42. Go wine tasting with friends
43. Get a massage once a quarter (1/12)
44. Stop worrying what other people think, focus on what I think
45. Finally read all of the Harry Potter books
46. Finally watch all of the Harry Potter movies
47. Pay off my credit card
48. Buy a brand new car (I’ve always owned used cars)
49. Go back to Paris
50. Lose nothing from this last year of my life and always carry it with me
51. Try a cross fit gym for a week
52. Do not eat out or purchase a meal for one month
53. Just once spend my actual birthday day doing EXACTLY what I want to do (a little hard when your birthday is also Christmas day)
54. Take a trip to Maine
55. Wear my grandmother’s rings daily mostly as a reminder they are both always with me
56. Go to the park by my house at least three nights a week for a walk
57. Have a dinner party
58. Go to Iceland
59. Have a picnic
60. Put $25 a week into my savings
61. Finally do my confirmation and communion
62. Offer to babysit my friends kids so they can have “date nights”
63. Purchase a wii
64. Have friends over to play wii
65. Cook one new recipe a month (6/36)
66. Try one new wine a month (9/36)
67. Keep track of which wines I like and which I don’t
68. Go bungee jumping
69. Build a snowman
70. Have more patience
71. Be nicer to my parents
72. Watch all seasons of Mad Men
73. Read 10 or more books on the BBC Reading list (0/10)
74. Create a new playlist for my ipod
75. Watch 10 movies I’ve never watched before on the AFI 100 list (0/10)
76. Try snowboarding
77. Try 5 new foods (0/5)
78. Go sky diving
79. Learn to golf
80. Decorate my house for Christmas by myself and NOT consider it depressing that I’m decorating on my own
81. Roll up my change and deposit it into my savings account
82. Get my blog read by more than just my family and friends
83. Write weekly in my journal
84. Visit the Met in NYC at least once a year (0/3)
85. Visit the Guggenheim in NYC
86. Slow my tongue; words hurt and I need to learn to NOT always say exactly what I’m thinking
87. Have dinner with friends at least once a month (29/35) except the month of #52
88. Drive PCH in California (ideally top to bottom, in a convertible)
89. Watch the sunrise over the ocean (east coast)
90. Watch the sunset over the ocean (west coast)
91. Go to a baseball game at Camden Yards
92. Say I love you more often to those I love
93. Spend a spa day with friends
94. Take pictures of Central Park in the fall
95. Visit Germany at Christmas time
96. Take obedience classes with puppy from #26
97. Follow my aunt’s advice and start writing again
98. Get married
99. Become a mom
100. Donate $10 for each completed task
101. Donate $50 for each uncompleted task

Start date: August 4, 2011