Thankful

I have a REALLY bad habit of paying attention only to what I don’t have and not giving credit for what I do have. I know as human beings we ALL have this affliction. I try to be better, but I’m human, what can I say? One thing I can say is, for one reason or another, I’m more thankful than usual this Thanksgiving.

My parents are visiting this year and it’s been great having them here. I’ve been keeping my father occupied with little chores around my condo and my mother occupied doing what mother’s and daughter’s do best…shopping. I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner ever yesterday and I must admit it came out better than I anticipated (minus the gravy that was like cement – no literally when the gravy boat was tipped upside down the gravy didn’t pour out. It didn’t even move!). I never realized how much work it was cooking an entire Thanksgiving dinner. I’m unsure I’ll ever do THAT again! I will say I am extremely grateful to have had my parents here visiting me and to spend the holiday with them. I am a lucky girl to have them as my parents. They can get on my nerves – hey what parents don’t – but I am who I am today because of their love, guidance, and everything they’ve taught me over the years. I realized yesterday I may only have 10 years left with my parents. It came as a shock when I thought that, but, sadly it’s the truth. I need to cherish this time I have with them now because when they are gone I will miss them.

My favorite part of any holiday is after dinner, after desert, after everyone goes home I like to just sit and watch television…and listen. However, I’m not listening to the television…I’m listening to what’s going on outside. Nothing. I love the quiet of a holiday night. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a big city or a small town, at the end of the day once everyone is sufficiently stuffed and worn out, it’s true what the rhyme says, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. It gave me some time to think, to look beside me, to look around and realize all I have. Instead of saying, I should have this, I should have that, I realized how lucky I am to have exactly what I have in my life at this very moment. I wake up in the morning in a warm bed, I get in a car that starts without fail, I go to a job (while sometimes stressful and annoying) I enjoy it and it affords me the ability to pay my bills, to come home at night and have food to eat, and pay for the “things” I find so important to me. But what’s most important, what’s completely intangible but without which I’m positive I couldn’t call my life a life, are those I call family and friends. To have friends to talk to on the phone, to have family to turn to when I cry, and those extra special few in my life who I can yell at, cry to, laugh with, and have the time of my life with, that is what makes me a truly lucky and truly thankful girl.

12 Weeks

12 weeks into my 101 things list and I’ve actually accomplished or I am starting on the path to accomplishing a lot more than I ever thought I would have by now. Here’s a quick rundown of just the items where I’ve made attempts:

1. I have a plant, and I haven’t killed it…yet!
2. Run a 5K - I’ve started to do a couch to 5K program and am targeting the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure next May in New York City as the race I want to run start to finish.
3. Lose those last 10 pounds – see number 2 and number 10 & 13 for my progress toward this.
4. Go apple picking – I tried but it was a crappy apple season and when my friends and I arrived they told us they were out of apples. Maybe next year.
5. Find a career I love – I am making moves on this but I need to move a little faster, imho.
6. Learn to knit like my mother does – when she comes for Thanksgiving this year (bless her patient little heart) she’s going to try teaching me…again.
7. Blog at least once a week – I think I may have missed a week or two here or there, but I think I’m pretty much on target on that one.
8. Use my passport at least once a year - I went to Toronto earlier this year for work. I wasn’t a fan of the city. Next year the passport will be used for a fun girl’s trip to Berlin, Prague, Vienna and Budapest! I can’t wait!
9. Eat Paleo for one week – DONE! I did it and lost 2 pounds that week. I haven’t been as strictly following it as I did that first week but I will because I felt so good that week. I felt like I had more energy, I felt like I was doing something great for my body, and you know, bonus, I lost 2 pounds!
10. Put my blackberry away when out with family and friends – EPIC FAIL. I’m a crackberry addict, I can’t help it. But I will continue to try b/c I believe it is important for me to be present in the moment when I am with people.
11. Buy a brand new car – I am going test driving this weekend on the cars I like and by Thanksgiving I hope to own my very first brand new car!
12. Try a CrossFit gym – not only did I try it…I joined. And man I love it!
13. Cook one new recipe a month – I did this in Sept (a paleo recipe I loved) and in Oct (a chili recipe I did not love) and will continue trying because you never know what you may find.
14. Create a new playlist for my ipod – I’ve gotten suggestions for friends on this and now I just actually have to sit down and create it.
15. Have dinner with friends at least once a month – I have totally done this every month since starting my blog, if not multiple times a month. It’s great for the soul to sit around and b.s. with your girlfriends.

I think it’s a fairly solid start considering I’m kind of a procrastinator. I think I can do better and work harder on a lot of these. But I feel like this list, like life, is a journey not a destination. I’m on a journey to grow myself and expand my world and this list is part of that journey. And I’m excited to see exactly where it is this journey takes me.

Pumpkin Turkey Chili

So number 65 on my list is to try one new recipe a month. I haven’t been so good about this, but I found this recipe for Pumpkin Turkey Chili and decided it sounded interesting, why not try it out. With the cooler weather hitting the east coast chili is always a favorite comfort food of mine in the fall.

Ingredients
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
1/2 cup chopped yellow bell pepper
1 clove garlic, minced
1 pound ground turkey
1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes
2 cups pumpkin puree
1 1/2 tablespoons chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 dash salt
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup sour cream
Directions

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat, and sauté the onion, green bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, and garlic until tender. Stir in the turkey, and cook until evenly brown. Drain, and mix in tomatoes and pumpkin. Season with chili powder, pepper, and salt. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer 20 minutes. Serve topped with Cheddar cheese and sour cream.  Yields 6 servings.

Since I’ve been trying to eat paleo, I used olive oil instead of vegetable oil and did not use the cheddar cheese or sour cream. In my opinion this recipe was missing some flavor. I added extra salt, pepper and some garlic powder to the first bowl I ate. Since this recipe yields six servings, I definitely felt I needed to spice it up a bit. Tonight I plan on adding in some cayenne and red pepper flakes to hopefully give this chili the kick it needs.

Guerilla Fitness

On October 18, 2011 I did something I’ve been considering doing for, probably the better part of 2 years, but never had the courage to try. I finally tried a Crossfit gym. Guerilla Fitness in Montclair, NJ to be precise. I didn’t walk into this totally blind, however, I wasn’t 100% sure what exactly I was getting myself in to. My friend Bridget Murphy and her husband Ray own a Crossfit gym in Atlanta. I would always read about it on her facebook, blog, and read any and all articles she posted. I always felt crossfit was WAY out of my exercise league. I remember reading one article in particular about a guy who thought, what’s the big deal with Crossfit? It can’t be THAT hard. He went to his local Crossfit, did the workout…and promptly threw up at the end of it. I’m guessing he went in cold and did like a super intensive version of every workout and I’m also guessing the trainers were purposly trying to get him to that breaking point. However, as I walked into my first fundamentals class on October 18, looked around and realized I was the only chick with five pretty fit dudes, the only thing I could think was “DO NOT THROW UP CRYSTAL!”

The first thing I appreciated about Crossfit was, as opposed to a typical gym, they don’t just take your money and throw you out there to figure it out. They have you take a two week fundamentals class to teach you how to do everything they’re going to ask of you, and they teach you how to do it right. The second thing that struck me about Crossfit is the community. I have NEVER seen a group of strangers band together the way the Crossfit community does. For a while I thought, maybe Bridget & Ray just have a really awesome group of members at their location. But, the more I read about Crossfit, and after watching the class before my fundamentals class, the more I realize, this is who these guys are. They are a community that supports. They support one another, as well as support amazing causes such as cancer research and their popular Fight Gone Bad.

I’ll be honest, when I walked in to sign up last week, I didn’t go to the free trial class they offer. I didn’t ask, what do you do? I walked up and saw what looked like an open garage with gymnastics mats covering the floor, steel pipes running from one side of the gym to the other, gymnastics rings hanging down, and what I could only describe as odd torture chamber belts hanging off the steel pipes. I am guessing soon I’ll know what those are for. So, I walked in, and started talking to a coach, who as it turns out, was the owner. We discussed what I was looking for, the goals I wanted to accomplish and maybe I wouldn’t have been so quick to sign up had I never known about Bridget and Ray, but I said, let’s do it. I signed up right then and there. Should I have done more research? Maybe. But after two years of thinking about it, I was finally ready to just do it.

After my first class last night, let’s just say, score one for Crystal I didn’t throw up. Score another for Crystal: I figured I’d be last in the group and I was ok with that. I just kept telling myself do not let the guys blow you away too hard core. They didn’t. For that I was proud. I don’t expect to be able to keep up with dudes, however, I don’t want to get blown out of the water by them either. What can I say, I’m a competitive b*tch. So, that was fundamentals class one. Oct. 20, fundamentals class two. I have to say, it sure didn’t take me long to drink the Kool-Aid. I totally dig this place. It was hard, but I think what I liked about it was it reminded me of when I was playing softball. The workouts our coaches used to make us do didn’t always make sense to me but they always made us better softball players. And they made us closer because we were always pushing and supporting one another. For someone who’s so not a joiner, look at me, I joined.

60 days

Two months into my 101 list and I finally did Paleo. Yay me! From the moment I woke up on Monday, September 26 to the moment I went to bed on Sunday, October 2, everything I ate and drank was in accordance with Paleo (I hope!).

So, here’s how my week of meals broke down:

September 26:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Chef salad with olive oil

Water

Dinner:

Easy Mexi Chicken

Glass of red wine

September 27:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Easy Mexi Chicken

Water

Dinner:

Grilled chicken kabobs with grilled veggies

Glass of red wine

September 28:

Breakfast:

2 eggs scrambled with green pepper and onion

Coffee

Lunch:

Grilled chicken kabobs with grilled veggies

Water

Dinner:

Hamburger (no bun) with lettuce and tomato; sweet potato fries

Water

September 29:

Breakfast:

2 eggs scrambled with green pepper and onion

Coffee

Lunch:

Grilled chicken; steamed broccoli and greenbeans

Water

Dinner:

Hamburger (no bun) with lettuce and tomato; sweet potato fries

September 30:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Chef salad with olive oil

Water

Dinner:

Hamburger (no bun) with lettuce and tomato; sweet potato fries

2 glasses red wine

October 1:

Breakfast:

Coffee (forgive me I woke up late and didn’t see the point in eating breakfast!)

Lunch:

Chef salad with olive oil

Dinner:

Burger (no bun) with bacon on top and sweet potatoes

Water

October 2:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Chicken salad with olive oil

Water

Dinner:

Tuna salad with carrots

Glass of red wine

 

I’m not going to lie, it was hard. Turns out I hate black coffee! I craved a soda at lunch. I didn’t pack myself any snacks for that 3 o’clock lull in the day because, well, partially I wasn’t thinking and partially I wasn’t sure what to pack. I’ve realized now I think a great 3 o’clock snack would be some fruits and veggies. I also struggled a bit with getting out of the habit of using certain oils to cook with (ex: canola oil). I found myself checking labels of things I thought would be ok and realized they were either made with gluten or I couldn’t believe how much sugar was in them. I had to think about every meal, what went into it and how I prepared it because this is new to me, but, the more I do it the more second nature it will become. I did it and I’m proud of myself for that and for being able to check something off my list. It took some planning. I had to sit down and come up with meals I wanted for the week. Being a single girl who lives alone, you may see a lot of repeats in my meals. This is partially because, well, I live alone so who else is going to eat all those left overs and shopping for one is hard. Remember the scene in Under the Tuscan Sun when Frances yells at the butcher because she only wants one chicken? Yep, that’s my life. I just want one chicken but I always end up walking away with five. This next coming week I will be in Toronto for work. I‘m going to do my best to stick to paleo this week while traveling, and going forward.

I have to give credit to my friend Bridget Murphy because without getting some tips and recipes from her, I’m not sure I would have been able to do this! So mucho thanks to her and for anyone in the San Francisco area check out her personal training Primal Fitness Bootcamp. If you’re in the Atlanta area, check out her gym Cross Fit Peachtree, and if you aren’t in any of those areas but want some yummy, healthy recipes, check out her blog Cross Fit Peachtree Recipes. And if anything on this list was wrong I’m sure (with love) Bridget will yell at me and I can correct it! J

As for a two month update on the rest of my list, I also now have a plant. I will not check that off my list as an accomplishment until I can say I did not kill it. My good friend Monica knew that owning a plant was on my list so she gave me one that she felt I couldn’t kill. Within two days my cat Zoe had nearly chewed off an entire leaf. I took the plant to work and here’s hoping I can keep it alive for the next under three years! Wish me luck. I’ve also placed a call into the local cross fit gym and after my Toronto trip will be checking them out and seeing about joining. And I’m in the process of saving for a down payment on my very first brand new car. Now, if only I had any clue what car I wanted.

Dear Mr. Big

Recently you wrote to me and I cried my eyes out. I cry every time I read it. And I have read and reread it countless times. However, I realized something reading that letter; I realized that although I said I would never let anyone break me again, I did, in fact, break again. I used to think breaking was a bad thing. I’ve realized this is a good thing. To break, you have to allow someone in to a place where you are vulnerable enough to break, where they quite literally have your heart in their hands. I let you in to a place in my life that very few are ever allowed in to. I’m guarded, I’m closed off, and there are good reasons for that. But, I let you in there. Some would say having broken before I should have never let you in. Some would say having broken again I should be angry and hateful. Well, am I angry? Sometimes. Hateful? No. Hurt? Yes. Happy? Sometimes. Are those people right and I’m wrong? Maybe. Am I right and they’re wrong? Maybe.

All that being said, I am choosing to do something you actually taught me, see the bright side to all of this. I learned from you in this whole crazy thing. In the beginning I wanted nothing you did, in the middle I wanted everything you did, in the end, I’m unsure what either of us wants. One minute I still want what we both wanted, the next minute I simply take comfort in what we had and cherish what once was, the next minute I look forward to what will one day be for me. So am I conflicted? Yes. Those questions you said in the letter I asked of you, yup, I continue to ask them, whether to myself, out loud to the universe, or to you directly. However, I’m starting to let go of those questions, day by day, little by little, because I know that I may never have the answers.

You have been a friend to me in a way I never expected or could have ever anticipated. I’m letting the good of that out weigh the bad of other things. You have been my very own cheerleader in so many things that I can’t even begin to say thank you. You also helped me to realize things I want for my life, for my future I wasn’t quite sure I wanted or how to get to, for that I also say thank you.

You say to me you don’t want to let go and you get angry when I say I am, but I don’t really see any other way for either of us to move forward, particularly when it seems looking on the outside in, you are, in fact, letting go. When we first started talking, we were walking in two different directions. I was going, quite literally, east, very Far East, and you were, well, staying west. Then, somewhere along the way, I stopped going east and I met up with you in the west. Now, I find us, once again, in two totally different directions. You are still here planted firmly in the west, and I’m, well, I’m hopefully going somewhere. I just haven’t quite figured out which direction yet, but I’m hoping its south.

I know not everyone will understand why I would be so positive about a situation such as ours, and believe me I have my good and bad days, my accepting days and my angry days, my sad days and my happy days. But my life is not for others to understand or even accept. My life is mine to live. Am I a perfect person, God knows, no I’m not. But, I’m me and sometimes in life there are things we need to learn to continue on the path of becoming and bettering ourselves. Learning to let someone in is a good thing, even if not right or not meant to stay; I needed to learn that lesson and you helped teach me that.

I don’t know what my future holds, but that’s equal parts exciting and scary. There are all these possibilities for my life. I know I’ll get out there and grab them. I wish you well in your exciting and scary future and I know you wish me well in mine. We will get where the universe means for us to get in our lives. But for that moment in time, we made a memory.

My vagabond life

I grew up in a 4 bedroom house with a great front yard and back yard. By great, I mean, room to run and play as a kid. This is an important fact to point out because, having grown up in Southern California most people have barely a postage stamp they can call a front or back yard…and they’re lucky if they get two postage stamps as opposed to just one. My childhood, by no means easy, was a good one. I won’t get into the whoa is me’s of childhood, not really my point. My parents moved to Southern California from Connecticut before I was born. They were sick of the snow and cold, hard winters. My father’s parents and younger brother and his family moved out to Southern California as well. When my father was a child his family moved around a lot. He hated it and vowed never to do that to us. My parents haven’t moved from their house since they purchased it in 1973. Maybe like baldness, the desire to move constantly skips a generation.

While I enjoyed my life growing up in Southern California, and hey, who wouldn’t living just 20 minutes from the beach, I wanted out. Although in a major metropolitan area, I felt like I was stuck in this tiny world and I needed to get out. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go or how in the hell I wanted to get out, but I knew I wanted out. First step was studying abroad at 21 in Paris for a semester. Yes, Paris, France. My first venture out of mom and dad’s home and I step off the plane into a city that’s filled with as much smoke as a hole in the wall bar on a Friday night, is grey in an almost melancholy way, as if even the city itself was annoyed with the world, has a subway system I couldn’t begin to understand (but every time I got on I thought of that Berlin song, riding on the metro-oh), and oh, I didn’t speak a word of their language, except oui, s’il vous plait, and bonjour. I never believed in love at first sight, until that moment. I loved Paris. Did I get homesick? Of course. But I’d never trade a second of my time there for anything in this world. I got to spend time in a city in a way many don’t. I became a local, in a way. I knew my way around the metro, I knew where the non-touristy places were to hang out, and I reveled in baguettes, cheese, and a bottle of wine for dinner at night (ok, maybe that was totally touristy but I was a starving student). I did completely random things like go see the Mighty Mighty Bosstones in concert; walk the Tuileries simply because it was a beautiful day; go to Chili’s with friends and get completely wasted on their version of Mike’s Hard Lemonade (maybe it WAS Mike’s Hard Lemonade, I honestly don’t remember) simply because it was hot and we were homesick.

After Paris I came back to California and I felt stuck, so, I did the totally logical thing and went to finish my bachelor’s degree at the University of Wyoming in Laramie, WY, population 27,000. Totally makes sense, right? I’ll never forget when I first drove into Laramie. I was with my parents and as we came into town off of 80 East we drive right through downtown and made a left heading toward campus. I remember looking at the downtown shops. The sky was the bluest blue I’d ever seen but everything around me seemed brown, not dirty, just brown, and everywhere I looked I saw, what I called giant Christmas trees. The downtown area seemed to be all at once stuck in the past and perfectly situated for the current time. That night we went to dinner and drove around a bit. My first question was, where’s the mall? Where’s the city? My parents laughed and said you picked this place. Again, homesick in the beginning, once I gave UW a shot, I made some amazing friends, many of whom I’m still in daily contact with and visit often. As with Paris, I don’t regret the decision to go to UW. I loved the football and basketball games, the parties, and as much as I complained about the work I loved learning and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not gone to UW.

After UW I moved to Denver. My time there was miserable. I hated my job, hated my apartment, all my friends were a two hour drive away, I knew no one in Denver. Looking back I learned a lot while I was in Denver. I learned that friends don’t just show up on your doorstep, you have to get out and look for them. I learned that your life is what you make of it, and while I was in Denver I didn’t make much of it. I left Denver and went back to Southern California feeling like a failure. I was 24.

After a few years back in my parents house and getting my life together, I finally had the courage to make the one move I’d always dreamt of…moving to NYC. I was 27. Ok, so I never actually made it to NYC, but close, I’ve been in North Jersey for the past 7 years (with a side note work deviation back to Southern California for 6 months). I took what I’d learned in Denver and did everything in NJ the opposite of how I did things in Denver. I think it’s worked out quite well for me. I have a ridiculous amount of amazing friends that sometimes I think, if I’d never have moved here I’d never have known any of these people exist. And they’re so important in my life I can’t imagine not knowing they exist. I would not be who I am today without knowing each and every one of them.

I’m struggling a bit though right now. I put down roots in January when I purchased my first home. 9 months into it and I’m already thinking, where can I go? In my 7 years living here I’ve now moved (if you count the trip to and back from CA) 6 times. The reason I was in California for work was I was waiting for a VISA to go and work in Dubai. That VISA never came through, which is why I’m now back in NJ. It bothers me sometimes that I didn’t get the chance to work in Dubai. I really, really wanted to do it. I’ve always dreamt of working internationally. I’m trying to say there was a reason I didn’t go and it will one day show itself to me. But I was ready, when I left NJ, I was ready for what I thought was the next chapter in my vagabond life and it didn’t happen. I wonder sometimes, am I running from or running to something? I love my home, I love my friends, I love NJ, but I feel this pull for something else out there. I just am not quite sure yet what or where.