Putting the focus on me

Ok, so I haven’t written much in a really long time, which leads me to realize I haven’t been focused on myself in a really long time. When I began this journey, it was all about focusing on me and improving me. Admittedly life changed immensely since I started this and got really crazy, really fast, in wonderful ways. So many good things have been happening, but, being the consummate pessimist that I am, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something to go really wrong. It’s tough to have faith that nothing will go wrong, when it seems like for a lifetime it always has. But, so far, so good! However, I have noticed lately that in all that’s been going on, I’ve lost focus on me. I’m still important and should be a focus for myself.

So, it’s time to get back on track with my journey. I’ve almost accomplished one more goal on the list…just one more book and I will finally have read all of the Harry Potter books. I have to admit, I’ll be a little sad when they’re over. Harry, Hermoine, Ron, even Draco have become a huge part of my life over the last year. I know they’re fictional characters, but, they have become real to me. The stories are wonderfully written, full of just enough fantasy to make them fun and enough realness (is that a word) to make me remember how crazy uncomfortable and awkward high school once was for all of us.

I’ve also started taking time for me and am trying to stop being apologetic about it. I’ve started a swim class and have looked into cooking classes for the fall. All these things I’ve wanted to do, I’m finally doing it. There is no better time than now. I’ve always said I don’t want to look back and regret my life or the choices I made and I want to try everything. Well, now is my chance. Now is my time to live life. I think we all can come up with excuses or reasons not to live life in the moment. Sure, jobs are required and bills have to be paid. Dogs need to be walked and children need to be fed. But, there’s always a moment for you. I’m taking those moments for me again. I want to be the best version of me for me which in turn will be a great version of me for my family. The world isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect, I’m not perfect. Often that’s always what I’m striving for. Not to get life right, but to get it perfect. That’s unrealistic. I just need to make sure as much as I can, and within my control, that life is good for me and my family. A happy me will help accomplish that.

Pumpkin Spice Blossoms

One of my favorite things to do this time of year is bake. I LOVE to bake. I don't so much  love the calories from all the things I bake, which is why most of what I do bake gets given away, but I enjoy baking. This year I was looking for some new recipes and found this one on pinterest. I love everything pumpkin so I  knew I had to try it out. The hardest part of the recipe was finding the Hershey's pumpkin spice kisses. I finally was able to find them from Amazon. Two things to note on the recipe below, you do not need 4 dozes kisses. The recipe says it will yeild 48 cookies, but I only got about 24 out of it. If you double the recipe, you should get to your 48 cookies.

Pumpkin Spice Blossoms

Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cloves
1/2 tsp salt
6 Tbsp unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 cup pure pumpkin
1 large egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 dozen Hershey’s Pumpkin Spice Kisses

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350°F and line two baking sheets with silicone mats or parchment paper. Combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, spices and salt in a medium bowl.

Beat butter and sugar in a large mixer bowl at medium speed until well blended. Beat in pumpkin, egg and vanilla extract until smooth. Reduce speed to low; gradually beat in flour mixture.

Form 1 1/4″ balls of dough and place two inches apart on prepared baking sheets. Bake, rotating pans halfway through, for 12 minutes until edges are firm. Cool for 1 minute on baking sheets, then transfer cookies to wire racks. Press a pumpkin spice kiss into each cookie, then transfer wire racks to the refrigerator for 15 minutes to allow the chocolate to set. Store in an airtight container at room temperature up to 2 days.

Season's bounty

This past weekend I went apple picking for the very first time. I even grabbed a pumpkin. Apple picking is something growing up in Southern California I never heard about. When I moved to New Jersey in 2004 and my roommate at the time told me about it I was convinced I had to do this. It seemed like so much fun. Well, eight years later I finally got around to going. What can I say, I’m a procrastinator. 

Apple picking truly was the fun I thought it would be. More so it was the time with friends than the actual picking the apples off the tree. Watching the little kids with their families was great too. Seeing the excitement on their faces at dad or grandpa pulling down the apples for them from way up high was priceless.

But the best part was using the apples. I love apples. I eat them nearly daily. But what I love most about apples is what you can do with them. My mother makes an awesome homemade apple pie every Thanksgiving. I, for whatever reason, had never in my life made an apple pie before. I decided that I’d take her recipe and try my hand at making one finally.  If I do say so myself, it came out fabulous. I only had a teeny-tiny piece as I truly made this for others, not me, to enjoy. But a cook has to taste their recipe, right?
I’ll share my recipe here, but, it’s a pretty standard recipe:

My mom’s apple pie:
6 – 8 apples peeled/cored and thinly sliced (I used granny smith apples and they were huge so I only used 4)
¾ to 1 cup sugar (depends on how sweet the apples you use are, since I used less sweet apples I used 1 cup of sugar)
2 tablespoon flour
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon salt
If apples lack tartness sprinkle with about 1 tablespoon of lemon juice.
Instructions:
Combine sugar, flour, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Mix with apples. Line your pie pan with pie dough. Fill with the apple mixture. Add the second pie dough over the top. Crimp together the two pie dough’s all the way around the pie. Cut slits in the top of the pie in various areas for the steam to escape.  Bake at 400 degrees for 50 minutes or until done. And this little tip from my mom was a stove saver: Put tin foil under the pie in the oven in case any juices seep out!

Seriously, this pie was so simple but so delicious. My next challenge – homemade crust to go with the pie.

Bucket List

Ok, so it’s not a newsflash to many who know me, but I love lists. Any kind of list. It’s kind of why I took like a fish to water with this 101 list. My life in the past two years has changed dramatically. In 2010 I thought I was off to Dubai for an adventure. Prior to leaving my roommate and I created a “to-do” list. We wrote down everything in the New York and New Jersey area we wanted to do and just had never gotten around to yet. I don’t remember everything that was on the list, but, remember it being fun to do what we had wanted to do for a while and check off the list.

Recently, I have noticed I have not been living, enjoying or participating in life much. I’ve been letting little things get to me and focusing on the wrong things. I started this list as a way to find a way for me to enjoy life more often. This past weekend I really took that to heart. A last minute work trip to Asheville, NC gave me a chance to sit back and take stock. I didn’t want to go there, but once I got there, I realized what a great city it was, and what a great opportunity to see a part of the country I never would have, on my own, chosen to go see. The people were friendly, the weather was amazingly perfect, the drive through NC was gorgeous, and I had a chance to see some friends and family that I had not seen in quite a while. It gave me a chance to remember, sit back, and take it all in. You only live once, enjoy it while you’re here.

Which leads me to yet another list. My lists have a tendency to be about getting to a particular goal. This list is going to be my “I’m going to enjoy my summer 2012” list. A few things from my 101 list will be on here, because, well, I like to kill two birds off my lists with one stone. Here goes:

1.    Go to a winery with friends

2.    Go to the beach as often as I can (sadly it turns out as often as I can was only once. *sigh*)

3.    Have a picnic

4.    Go to Seattle (thank you work for making this possible!)

5.    Take more photos

6.    Go hiking

7.    Watch the sunset over the ocean

8.    Watch the sunrise over the ocean

9.    Go to a baseball game at Camden Yards (already planned for late summer)

10.  Take some time this summer to NOT have plans and just ENJOY the sights, sounds and tastes of summer

Money, Money, Money...MONEY

For the past few months I’ve been stressing about money. Actually, more like for the better part of a year off and on I’ve been stressing about it. Last year I was in a pretty good place financially when I purchased my condo, even with the expenses of moving in I wasn’t doing so badly. Then the summer hit and a few things went out of control, unexpected expenses that hit us all at one time or another in life. Without the cash to cover them they went on the credit cards. I spent the fall working to get them taken care of, and then the holidays hit. After the holidays I spent the better part of the winter working on getting them down, only to see them go back up again. Finally realizing this up and down battle is getting me no where…fast…I decided to take charge. To be honest, I’ve been pretty lazy about my financial situation for many years now. Feeling that, hey, I make good money, I can afford this or I can say yes to that has gone on for far too long. It scares me to think what I could have in my savings right now had I just been smarter here and there. I won’t say I regret any of the big things I’ve done (my travels, my condo, etc) those are experiences that have changed my life. I just wish those times when it was the end of the paycheck period before the next one came and I went to that dinner with friends and put it on the credit card, or bought those clothes that probably right now have been given to good will that I regret. I wish I would have thought more about those purchases and said, nope, not this time – but next time when I have the cash on hand.

Finally, realizing in the last few weeks how lackadaisical I’ve been in my own financial future, I decided to make a real change. I’ve done some serious research and taken some steps to get myself set to right. One of my goals on my 101 list is to pay off my credit card. To do that I’ve decided to transfer my balance to a 0% interest credit card and I have until Aug next year to pay off my balance in full. I’ve also started drinking coffee at home, eating breakfast at home, and bringing my lunch to work and for every day I would have spent money on lunch I have set up an automatic payment in that amount to go towards my credit card balance. I’ve also started paying attention to the way in which I shop for food. I don’t price shop, nor do I go to the cheapest grocery store. I go to the most convenient and buy whatever I feel like. This doesn’t always amount to much in the way of saving money. I have made a pact with myself to create a meal plan for every week and when shopping on Sunday’s, buy what’s on sale, what’s cheapest, and this also helps me with staying healthy. Also, stealing an idea from a friend of mine, I’ve started the $5 savings plan. Every time she has a $5 bill on her, she throws it into a savings jar. By doing this it forces her to pull out cash for things she wants to do or buy. She said it’s made her more aware of how she spends her money and $5 adds up faster than say $1 so it’s more incentive to keep doing it. I shall start this as well and at the end of every month, throw that money into my savings account.

With the help of someone pretty fantastic supporting me on this mission and giving me some sound advice (like up the amount you put into your 401k damn it and please for the love of God set up an ing savings account) I think I am finally on a solid path to a secure financial future. Then again, if this doesn’t work, there’s always the lottery!

Run for the Wild

On April 28 I ran my first ever 5K. I have done 5Ks in the past, but I always walked them, this time I ran. My finish time was 35:15. Not a great time by any means, but for me, that’s my best time ever so I’m happy. The race also benefitted the Wildlife Conservation Society and their efforts to protect the habitats of lions, which are losing ground across the African Plains. The funds I raised will go toward the WCS’s projects to conserve lions and other imperiled animals around the globe and at the Bronx Zoo.

Lions now live in only a small number of African countries. The nations of Morocco, Algeria, Congo, and Gabon have lost all of their lions. If we don’t act soon, they could also vanish from Nigeria, South Sudan, and Uganda. The donations I collected will go toward WCS’s efforts to monitor lions and work with local communities to co-exist peacefully with the big cats. I encourage each of you to visit the WCS Run for the Wild website and support their work. I believe they are still accepting donations. Its important work and we cannot let these animals be pushed out!

Knife skills

After years of saying I wanted to, I finally took a knife skills course. In the last few years I have become obsessed with the Food Network and have been trying out new recipes. To go along with my recently acquired confidence in my cooking ability, I felt I needed some confidence with the knives I used. Lesson number one that I learned last night...I totally have crappy knives. Not cutting yourself in the kitchen, I have learned, is totally dependent on good knives that are sharpened properly…and properly used. Here are some of the pointers I took away from last night:

1.    Sharpen your knives once a year and always sharpen them in the same direction every time.

2.    Always store your knives in a block or in a drawer with a special cutlery insert. Storing them loose in a drawer with other utensils will dull them.

3.    Never wash your knives in a dishwasher. (I’m TOTALLY guilty of this one.)

4.    For someone like me who’s just an average (read: NOT chef) cook, you really only need a chef’s, utility, bread, and boning knife as well as a slicer.

a.    The chef’s knife is the workhorse and is designed for chopping, mincing, dicing and julienning fresh fruits and vegetables.

b.    The paring knife is ideal for preliminary cuts, peeling, trimming or squaring off small fruits or vegetables

c.    A utility knife is handy for peeling and slicing as well as carving small cuts of meat

d.    The bread knife is great for crusty loaves and food with a hard exterior and soft interior like tomatoes and citrus fruits (I totally had no clue about this)

e.    Also important are a slicer which allows you to produce thin, uniform slices when carving roasted meats and poultry and a boning knife good for precision control when you remove meat and poultry from the bone.

Don’t ask me to give any demonstrations on uses of these knives, in the demo part of the class I found myself going back to my usual (read: wrong) ways of cutting. It will take time and practice the teacher said. The biggest thing I need to learn is how to hold the knife and how to use “the claw” which is the grip you see the chef’s on TV use when cutting and chopping. Guess this means I just have to cook more to put in the practice. Just one more step toward me gaining ultimate kitchen confidence!

The best Valentine's Day ever

As strange as this may come across, yesterday was the best Valentine’s Day I have ever had. What made it so special? A couple of things. One, I was with two of my best friends in the world whom I love dearly and love more than I ever take the time to tell them. Two, we went to donate our platelets yesterday to a dear friend who was recently diagnosed with Diffuse Large B Cell Lymphoma.

Our friend, Maryann, is at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. There are no better hands she could possibly be in. A complication of her cancer is that she has immune thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP). Literally, her body is attacking her platelets as if they are foreign cells. She has had many platelet transfusions but still requires more. I have never given blood or platelets before. Not because I’m somehow against it or can’t give, but mostly because I had a slightly traumatic dealing with hospitals and needles at a very young age (but that’s a story for another day). When the hospital said we need to get donations for Maryann I didn’t hesitate to make my appointment. My traumatic experience be damned, a few hours of discomfort I might have could NEVER compare to what Maryann is going through. I was glad and happy to do it and I’d do it again in a heartbeat however many times she needs. Unfortunately for me, I was unable to complete the process of giving platelets or blood. The nurses tried, but my veins just wouldn’t cooperate. Fortunately for Maryann, I was the only one with that issue and as of last night she has two new bags of platelets coming her way from people who love her dearly!

I pray daily for a speedy and quick recovery for her. Between that and attempting to donate platelets it’s really the only thing I can do (considering I’m not a doctor or fairy Godmother who could just take this all away from her!) I have friends who have never even met Maryann but as soon as I  mentioned her situation they immediately made appointments to donate platelets and/or passed the information on to their coworkers, family and friends to get even more donations for her. It’s been overwhelming to see the response of how people can really come together and rally around someone in a time of need.

In the last few years cancer has touched one too many people I love. For far too long it always felt to me like something that happened to others. Quite recently it’s become all too real to me how cancer does not care about your race, age, gender, social status, or monetary status. It touches us all in one way or another at one time in our life or another. I can only do what I can to help my friend and I can only pray that one day those super smart minds in the research facilities can come up with a cure to ALL types of cancers.

If you would like to donate platelets on Maryann’s behalf, please call 212-639-7648 or visit http://www.mskcc.org/giving/blood. When making the appointment please specify it will be a platelet donation and on behalf of Maryann Adesso.

For more information on lymphoma, please visit http://www.lls.org/.

Girl gone primal

My box (CrossFit) started a nutrition challenge on January 31. I have dabbled in paleo/primal eating, but have never 100% committed to it. I decided to take on this challenge for a variety of reasons. One, I felt like it was a good way to get to know some of my fellow CrossFitters. Two, I wanted to see what kind of a change I could see in six weeks by really committing to this. I feed off positive energy and the more I see results, the more I want to keep doing what I’m doing.

In this challenge we are placed on a team with others who have similar goals and are required to log all of our food and workouts. We are encouraged to talk to one another, share recipes, ideas and information – as well as most important support one another. I have to say my team has been great. We all fell off the proverbial wagon Superbowl Sunday and agreed to do burpees for our infractions. I hate burpess, but I owe what I owe and will dutifully turn them in. Week two was far better for me than week one. On Sunday I went to the grocery store early and bought my supplies for the week. What’s funny is I often have read if you stick to the outer aisles of a grocery store that is where you will find the healthiest food. Without even meaning too that’s exactly what I found myself doing as I went from location to location getting what I needed. Once at home on Sunday I made a veggie and egg frittata that I was able to cut up and portion out for breakfast for this week which I had with some berries and bacon. I also made some salmon that I’ve added to my salad for lunches this week. I also cooked up a Cornish game hen which I had for dinners on Monday and Tuesday (with veggies and sweet potato for sides). I also bought a London broil which was my dinner Thursday and Friday (with veggies and salad for sides). It worked out great because without having to worry about it this week I’ve been able to stick to the plan. I have noticed a few things. One being I need to increase my veggie intake. I think instead of fruit and nuts for my afternoon snacks at work next week I’m going to have veggies with a protein. I also have noticed that more than I ever did before I sometimes find myself craving something sweet. I’m not a desert person, or very often a sweet person. I am more of a savory person. I’m not sure yet what this is a reaction to. Am I truly craving sweet or do I just think I am? I’m waiting it out to see how next week goes. I also have had an extremely stressful couple of weeks and have been very proud of myself for NOT allowing myself to use food as a comfort more often than not. I am starting to realize food doesn’t make you feel better. After you’re done eating the crap you still feel like crap and now have the added guilt of asking yourself, “why did I just eat that?!”

I am still having my coffee in the morning and every great once in a while I’ll have cheese. What can I say? I love cheese. But I try to really limit my intake. I also every once in a while allow myself a soda, but I’m really, really trying to get that out of my system completely. I know how bad it is for you and I just don’t need it. But sometimes I want something more than water and when I do (so long as not at work) I have decided I like wine better than soda so I’m trying to retrain myself to forgo the soda, have the water, and then later at night if I’m still craving something more, have that glass of wine.

Overall, I think it’s been going well. I don’t know if I’ve lost anything, my scale’s batteries need to be replaced. I took my measurements before the challenge started and won’t check them again until it’s done. I might just hold off and wait until the six weeks is up to weigh myself again, too. I don’t know on that one though b/c if I see I’m losing it’ll just push me to keep at it, so we’ll see! All in all I have to say I’m finding this to be a great lifestyle change. The food I’ve been making is yummy and filling. Other than the slight craving for sweets, I’m honestly not craving anything the way I used to. Girl gone primal. Yes please!

 

Resolutions revisited

So, as for my New Year’s resolutions…I haven’t been as on track as I had hoped. It’s been a tough 2012 to start and I have allowed the stress to get to me. No longer allowing myself to make excuses here is where I stand on working toward my goals (not just my New Year’s goals but my 101 list as well):

1. I didn’t eat paleo every meal in January; however, I did better than expected considering my stress level. My CrossFit gym started a nutrition challenge on Jan. 31 and aside from two meals in week 1 I stuck to it!
2. Run 3 times a week…I was doing well at this but then I got sick so I stalled. I signed up for a 5K on April 28 so I need to get back on track if I want to be able to run the entire thing! Run a 5K is also number 3 on my 101 list so I can’t wait to get to be able to check that off as an accomplishment.
3. CrossFit 3 times a week. Ok, 2 out of 4 weeks I did this, again stress and sick (I swear I think the two go hand in hand!) but I can say I went at least once or twice every week since the year began and the week of Jan. 31 I did go 3 times.
4. Every day remind yourself of something you’re grateful for. Some days were better than others. We’re all human, we all forget to remember and we all need to remember
5. I haven’t lost sight of my end goal and every day is a new day…and I just get up, smile (ok maybe not smile, for those of you who know me I’m so NOT a morning person), but I get up, get coffee, and then smile, and face the challenges of that day head on and know that one day I will find myself on the other side of my end goal.
6. On March 6 I will be taking a knife skills class and that is number 40 on my 101 list and I can’t wait to get better with the knives in the kitchen. Mostly so I don’t end up one of these days with my thumb in my meal!

That in a nutshell is where I’m at. I feel like 2012 is going to be a year of amazing things, great changes, and happy times to come as well as I looked forward to accomplishing many, many goals. One goal I want to add for 2012 that isn’t on my 101 list is to do at least ONE pull up by the end of the year without a band. Those things kill me but I won’t let them win! This year is about ME winning!

New Year's Resolution

Ok, so not one to fall victim (again) to the “I’m going to lose 1 million pounds in 2012” (ok, not really) resolution trap I’m trying a different tactic. Generally resolutions aren’t met because they are too vague or too impossible to meet. That being said, I’ve decided to come up with a list of mini things I can do in 2012 that will help me accomplish certain goals. They are:

1. Paleo every meal in Jan (and work to make paleo a part of my lifestyle from then on)
2. Run 3 X a week (following the couch to 5K program)
3. Cross Fit 3 X a week (simply b/c I love it and I do still have those damn last 10 pounds I want to lose)
4. Every day remind yourself of something you are grateful for (because although I don’t always recognize it, I have much in my life to be grateful for)
5. Every day keep your end goal in mind; and remind yourself that every day you are one step closer to that end goal (well, just because)

So that, in a nutshell, is my New Year’s resolution. I’ve read it takes 21 days to make something a habit. So, I’m hoping by Jan. 24 each of these items will be a habit in the way that you don’t even think about doing it, you just do it. These are all mini goals that will help me to achieve some larger goals that I set forth for myself in Aug. 2011. I just have to believe in myself and motivate myself because the responsibility is solely on me to do this.

Here and now

I read an interesting article today. The article started off, before you rush into resolutions and creating high expectations for 2012, celebrate what you accomplished in 2011. However big or small, celebrate what you accomplished and your past year. The article continued to explain about practicing contentment with who and where you are right here, right now. This is something I could relate to because I am someone who struggles with being content both with who I am and the here and now.

I feel as if sometimes I live my life as a drug addict. No I am not addicted to any drugs, nor do I even recreationally participate. But in the way a drug addict is always seeking that next high, I am always seeking that next great thing in my life. That “thing” could be, literally a new “thing”, or it could be marriage, children, a new/better job, more money, to lose more weight. Whatever it is at the moment, I’ve realized something about myself over the past few months; I struggle with contentment in the here and now.

Looking back over my 2011, I’ve had quite a few ups and downs. I’ve had some really high highs and really low lows. I’ve spent a lot of this year locked in my own head. It’s been a year for me of discovering a lot about myself that I never knew before. I’ve owned up to myself about fears I have, things I’ve done, and what I truly want for myself, my future, and my life. But in doing so, I still find myself saying; once this happens then life will be perfect. If I can just get this done, then life will be perfect. Instead of sitting back and saying, life is perfect, right here, right now, just as it is. I find myself so often saying, I want, I want, I want. I don’t know how often I find myself saying, I give, I give, I give. Whether that giving be of my time, my money to a charitable contribution, or just giving of myself to those I love. I have been quite selfish in 2011 and it wasn’t until recently that it hit me just how selfish I have been this year. I locked myself away into myself, purposely pushing people away and only seeing the world from my eyes…all of which were selfish acts. I do believe that we as humans sometimes should be selfish. If we don’t take time for ourselves and always give of ourselves what do we have left? However, we cannot be selfish all the time either. There has to be a balance. A yin and yang in life.

So, learning from my mistakes I plan to correct that. Looking back on 2011 I have more good in my life than I could ever imagine. 99.9% of the good in my life is each and every person I am lucky enough to call friend and family. Am I still on a quest for the life I hope to achieve? Yes! As a classic Type-A personality, of course I am. BUT, learning from those around me, learning from myself, I not only vow to be better about being content in the here and now, I vow to be a better human being. One of the items on my 101 list is to lose nothing from this past year and always carry it with me. This year has been one of learning about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly and one of learning more about life than I ever knew before. I just hope by carrying this last year with me I put more positive effects out into the world than negative.

A season of first’s

So, as the end of 2011 closes in, and my 35th birthday closes in on me even faster, I finally did a few things I had never done before in my life. First, I bought a new car. I have never bought a new car before. I have always owned used cars. I have always wondered what that new car smell was like. I’ve also always wondered what it was like to pick out the exact car you wanted. The one you just had to have. I did pick it out…a Ford Edge. And then I found out it was so ridiculously out of my price range that I literally laughed at the sales guy. Not willing to sacrifice everything I wanted on the car (the bells and whistles) simply to meet my budget, I said no. The sales and finance guys were floored that I walked out on what they said was a ridiculous deal. Maybe it was a ridiculous deal they were offering me. But I just wasn’t willing to compromise that much to hit the number in my budget. I learned something about myself that day. I learned just because someone tells me something is great and I should do it, doesn’t mean I have to. Instead, I went to Jeep and got myself a Jeep Liberty. That sales guy was great. No pressure. Let me take my time. Answered every question I had and never got frustrated or lost his patience with me. And, he hit my budget number WITH all the bells and whistles still on the car. I have to say, every morning now when I get in my car, I’m happy. I just am happy with my decision and love my car AND that to me is an amazing feeling. I think I love it the most because aside from getting advice from those I love and trust, and Road and Track magazine as my father taught me, I did this on my own. I looked around, I researched, I went to the different dealerships, and I chose the option that was best for me.

Another first for me was my first professional football game. On Dec. 4 I went to the Green Bay vs Giants game. I have always gone to college football games and LOVED those. I always wanted to go to a professional football game, but just never had the opportunity. Growing up in southern California we lost both our football teams when I was in junior high school to other cities. Los Angeles has yet to get a football team back. But, I digress. I had a blast at the game. The Giants lost but it STILL was super fun. We tailgated and had great seats and awesome fans around us which helped to make the game even that much more fun. It reminded me of being in college. Everyone having fun, enjoying the game, the excitement in the air, I definitely want to go to more and more games now...although I believe I'm still a ways away from being a season ticket holder.

The other first for me this season was decorating my house for Christmas alone and NOT being depressed about it. I pulled out my tree (I should mention it’s totally a fake), grabbed all my decorations, wreath, candles and had at it. I turned on the holiday music channel on my tv. I fought with my cat to get out of the tree box. I then spent (literally) days trying to find the metal hooks to hang my Christmas ornaments on the tree. At least I didn’t have to fight with the lights. That’s the beauty of fake trees…they already have lights on them! I have to admit, almost the entire time over the weekend that I was decorating I kept thinking, you’re supposed to be doing this with someone, but I would push that thinking out of my head and just went for it and tried to have fun with it. In the end I love the decorations I put up and am super happy to come home at night and turn on my Christmas lights. I’m glad I put up the decorations. It has helped make me excited for the coming holiday. I’m not sure what it is about the holiday’s that makes people so depressed. It seems like such a happy time of year. But, inevitably, people always get depressed. I get it, but I don’t. Maybe it’s the hype? Maybe it’s the retailers pushing the “merry happiment” bull down our throats. Maybe it’s that we as human’s have a tendency to focus on what we don’t have or haven’t accomplished instead of focusing on what we do have and what we have accomplished. I’m not really sure what it is, but I’m proud to say I didn’t let the holiday’s depress me. Not this year. You didn’t win.

Thankful

I have a REALLY bad habit of paying attention only to what I don’t have and not giving credit for what I do have. I know as human beings we ALL have this affliction. I try to be better, but I’m human, what can I say? One thing I can say is, for one reason or another, I’m more thankful than usual this Thanksgiving.

My parents are visiting this year and it’s been great having them here. I’ve been keeping my father occupied with little chores around my condo and my mother occupied doing what mother’s and daughter’s do best…shopping. I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner ever yesterday and I must admit it came out better than I anticipated (minus the gravy that was like cement – no literally when the gravy boat was tipped upside down the gravy didn’t pour out. It didn’t even move!). I never realized how much work it was cooking an entire Thanksgiving dinner. I’m unsure I’ll ever do THAT again! I will say I am extremely grateful to have had my parents here visiting me and to spend the holiday with them. I am a lucky girl to have them as my parents. They can get on my nerves – hey what parents don’t – but I am who I am today because of their love, guidance, and everything they’ve taught me over the years. I realized yesterday I may only have 10 years left with my parents. It came as a shock when I thought that, but, sadly it’s the truth. I need to cherish this time I have with them now because when they are gone I will miss them.

My favorite part of any holiday is after dinner, after desert, after everyone goes home I like to just sit and watch television…and listen. However, I’m not listening to the television…I’m listening to what’s going on outside. Nothing. I love the quiet of a holiday night. It doesn’t matter if you’re in a big city or a small town, at the end of the day once everyone is sufficiently stuffed and worn out, it’s true what the rhyme says, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. It gave me some time to think, to look beside me, to look around and realize all I have. Instead of saying, I should have this, I should have that, I realized how lucky I am to have exactly what I have in my life at this very moment. I wake up in the morning in a warm bed, I get in a car that starts without fail, I go to a job (while sometimes stressful and annoying) I enjoy it and it affords me the ability to pay my bills, to come home at night and have food to eat, and pay for the “things” I find so important to me. But what’s most important, what’s completely intangible but without which I’m positive I couldn’t call my life a life, are those I call family and friends. To have friends to talk to on the phone, to have family to turn to when I cry, and those extra special few in my life who I can yell at, cry to, laugh with, and have the time of my life with, that is what makes me a truly lucky and truly thankful girl.

12 Weeks

12 weeks into my 101 things list and I’ve actually accomplished or I am starting on the path to accomplishing a lot more than I ever thought I would have by now. Here’s a quick rundown of just the items where I’ve made attempts:

1. I have a plant, and I haven’t killed it…yet!
2. Run a 5K - I’ve started to do a couch to 5K program and am targeting the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure next May in New York City as the race I want to run start to finish.
3. Lose those last 10 pounds – see number 2 and number 10 & 13 for my progress toward this.
4. Go apple picking – I tried but it was a crappy apple season and when my friends and I arrived they told us they were out of apples. Maybe next year.
5. Find a career I love – I am making moves on this but I need to move a little faster, imho.
6. Learn to knit like my mother does – when she comes for Thanksgiving this year (bless her patient little heart) she’s going to try teaching me…again.
7. Blog at least once a week – I think I may have missed a week or two here or there, but I think I’m pretty much on target on that one.
8. Use my passport at least once a year - I went to Toronto earlier this year for work. I wasn’t a fan of the city. Next year the passport will be used for a fun girl’s trip to Berlin, Prague, Vienna and Budapest! I can’t wait!
9. Eat Paleo for one week – DONE! I did it and lost 2 pounds that week. I haven’t been as strictly following it as I did that first week but I will because I felt so good that week. I felt like I had more energy, I felt like I was doing something great for my body, and you know, bonus, I lost 2 pounds!
10. Put my blackberry away when out with family and friends – EPIC FAIL. I’m a crackberry addict, I can’t help it. But I will continue to try b/c I believe it is important for me to be present in the moment when I am with people.
11. Buy a brand new car – I am going test driving this weekend on the cars I like and by Thanksgiving I hope to own my very first brand new car!
12. Try a CrossFit gym – not only did I try it…I joined. And man I love it!
13. Cook one new recipe a month – I did this in Sept (a paleo recipe I loved) and in Oct (a chili recipe I did not love) and will continue trying because you never know what you may find.
14. Create a new playlist for my ipod – I’ve gotten suggestions for friends on this and now I just actually have to sit down and create it.
15. Have dinner with friends at least once a month – I have totally done this every month since starting my blog, if not multiple times a month. It’s great for the soul to sit around and b.s. with your girlfriends.

I think it’s a fairly solid start considering I’m kind of a procrastinator. I think I can do better and work harder on a lot of these. But I feel like this list, like life, is a journey not a destination. I’m on a journey to grow myself and expand my world and this list is part of that journey. And I’m excited to see exactly where it is this journey takes me.

Pumpkin Turkey Chili

So number 65 on my list is to try one new recipe a month. I haven’t been so good about this, but I found this recipe for Pumpkin Turkey Chili and decided it sounded interesting, why not try it out. With the cooler weather hitting the east coast chili is always a favorite comfort food of mine in the fall.

Ingredients
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
1/2 cup chopped yellow bell pepper
1 clove garlic, minced
1 pound ground turkey
1 (14.5 ounce) can diced tomatoes
2 cups pumpkin puree
1 1/2 tablespoons chili powder
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 dash salt
1/2 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1/2 cup sour cream
Directions

Heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat, and sauté the onion, green bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, and garlic until tender. Stir in the turkey, and cook until evenly brown. Drain, and mix in tomatoes and pumpkin. Season with chili powder, pepper, and salt. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer 20 minutes. Serve topped with Cheddar cheese and sour cream.  Yields 6 servings.

Since I’ve been trying to eat paleo, I used olive oil instead of vegetable oil and did not use the cheddar cheese or sour cream. In my opinion this recipe was missing some flavor. I added extra salt, pepper and some garlic powder to the first bowl I ate. Since this recipe yields six servings, I definitely felt I needed to spice it up a bit. Tonight I plan on adding in some cayenne and red pepper flakes to hopefully give this chili the kick it needs.

Guerilla Fitness

On October 18, 2011 I did something I’ve been considering doing for, probably the better part of 2 years, but never had the courage to try. I finally tried a Crossfit gym. Guerilla Fitness in Montclair, NJ to be precise. I didn’t walk into this totally blind, however, I wasn’t 100% sure what exactly I was getting myself in to. My friend Bridget Murphy and her husband Ray own a Crossfit gym in Atlanta. I would always read about it on her facebook, blog, and read any and all articles she posted. I always felt crossfit was WAY out of my exercise league. I remember reading one article in particular about a guy who thought, what’s the big deal with Crossfit? It can’t be THAT hard. He went to his local Crossfit, did the workout…and promptly threw up at the end of it. I’m guessing he went in cold and did like a super intensive version of every workout and I’m also guessing the trainers were purposly trying to get him to that breaking point. However, as I walked into my first fundamentals class on October 18, looked around and realized I was the only chick with five pretty fit dudes, the only thing I could think was “DO NOT THROW UP CRYSTAL!”

The first thing I appreciated about Crossfit was, as opposed to a typical gym, they don’t just take your money and throw you out there to figure it out. They have you take a two week fundamentals class to teach you how to do everything they’re going to ask of you, and they teach you how to do it right. The second thing that struck me about Crossfit is the community. I have NEVER seen a group of strangers band together the way the Crossfit community does. For a while I thought, maybe Bridget & Ray just have a really awesome group of members at their location. But, the more I read about Crossfit, and after watching the class before my fundamentals class, the more I realize, this is who these guys are. They are a community that supports. They support one another, as well as support amazing causes such as cancer research and their popular Fight Gone Bad.

I’ll be honest, when I walked in to sign up last week, I didn’t go to the free trial class they offer. I didn’t ask, what do you do? I walked up and saw what looked like an open garage with gymnastics mats covering the floor, steel pipes running from one side of the gym to the other, gymnastics rings hanging down, and what I could only describe as odd torture chamber belts hanging off the steel pipes. I am guessing soon I’ll know what those are for. So, I walked in, and started talking to a coach, who as it turns out, was the owner. We discussed what I was looking for, the goals I wanted to accomplish and maybe I wouldn’t have been so quick to sign up had I never known about Bridget and Ray, but I said, let’s do it. I signed up right then and there. Should I have done more research? Maybe. But after two years of thinking about it, I was finally ready to just do it.

After my first class last night, let’s just say, score one for Crystal I didn’t throw up. Score another for Crystal: I figured I’d be last in the group and I was ok with that. I just kept telling myself do not let the guys blow you away too hard core. They didn’t. For that I was proud. I don’t expect to be able to keep up with dudes, however, I don’t want to get blown out of the water by them either. What can I say, I’m a competitive b*tch. So, that was fundamentals class one. Oct. 20, fundamentals class two. I have to say, it sure didn’t take me long to drink the Kool-Aid. I totally dig this place. It was hard, but I think what I liked about it was it reminded me of when I was playing softball. The workouts our coaches used to make us do didn’t always make sense to me but they always made us better softball players. And they made us closer because we were always pushing and supporting one another. For someone who’s so not a joiner, look at me, I joined.

60 days

Two months into my 101 list and I finally did Paleo. Yay me! From the moment I woke up on Monday, September 26 to the moment I went to bed on Sunday, October 2, everything I ate and drank was in accordance with Paleo (I hope!).

So, here’s how my week of meals broke down:

September 26:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Chef salad with olive oil

Water

Dinner:

Easy Mexi Chicken

Glass of red wine

September 27:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Easy Mexi Chicken

Water

Dinner:

Grilled chicken kabobs with grilled veggies

Glass of red wine

September 28:

Breakfast:

2 eggs scrambled with green pepper and onion

Coffee

Lunch:

Grilled chicken kabobs with grilled veggies

Water

Dinner:

Hamburger (no bun) with lettuce and tomato; sweet potato fries

Water

September 29:

Breakfast:

2 eggs scrambled with green pepper and onion

Coffee

Lunch:

Grilled chicken; steamed broccoli and greenbeans

Water

Dinner:

Hamburger (no bun) with lettuce and tomato; sweet potato fries

September 30:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Chef salad with olive oil

Water

Dinner:

Hamburger (no bun) with lettuce and tomato; sweet potato fries

2 glasses red wine

October 1:

Breakfast:

Coffee (forgive me I woke up late and didn’t see the point in eating breakfast!)

Lunch:

Chef salad with olive oil

Dinner:

Burger (no bun) with bacon on top and sweet potatoes

Water

October 2:

Breakfast:

2 eggs over hard

Coffee

Lunch:

Chicken salad with olive oil

Water

Dinner:

Tuna salad with carrots

Glass of red wine

 

I’m not going to lie, it was hard. Turns out I hate black coffee! I craved a soda at lunch. I didn’t pack myself any snacks for that 3 o’clock lull in the day because, well, partially I wasn’t thinking and partially I wasn’t sure what to pack. I’ve realized now I think a great 3 o’clock snack would be some fruits and veggies. I also struggled a bit with getting out of the habit of using certain oils to cook with (ex: canola oil). I found myself checking labels of things I thought would be ok and realized they were either made with gluten or I couldn’t believe how much sugar was in them. I had to think about every meal, what went into it and how I prepared it because this is new to me, but, the more I do it the more second nature it will become. I did it and I’m proud of myself for that and for being able to check something off my list. It took some planning. I had to sit down and come up with meals I wanted for the week. Being a single girl who lives alone, you may see a lot of repeats in my meals. This is partially because, well, I live alone so who else is going to eat all those left overs and shopping for one is hard. Remember the scene in Under the Tuscan Sun when Frances yells at the butcher because she only wants one chicken? Yep, that’s my life. I just want one chicken but I always end up walking away with five. This next coming week I will be in Toronto for work. I‘m going to do my best to stick to paleo this week while traveling, and going forward.

I have to give credit to my friend Bridget Murphy because without getting some tips and recipes from her, I’m not sure I would have been able to do this! So mucho thanks to her and for anyone in the San Francisco area check out her personal training Primal Fitness Bootcamp. If you’re in the Atlanta area, check out her gym Cross Fit Peachtree, and if you aren’t in any of those areas but want some yummy, healthy recipes, check out her blog Cross Fit Peachtree Recipes. And if anything on this list was wrong I’m sure (with love) Bridget will yell at me and I can correct it! J

As for a two month update on the rest of my list, I also now have a plant. I will not check that off my list as an accomplishment until I can say I did not kill it. My good friend Monica knew that owning a plant was on my list so she gave me one that she felt I couldn’t kill. Within two days my cat Zoe had nearly chewed off an entire leaf. I took the plant to work and here’s hoping I can keep it alive for the next under three years! Wish me luck. I’ve also placed a call into the local cross fit gym and after my Toronto trip will be checking them out and seeing about joining. And I’m in the process of saving for a down payment on my very first brand new car. Now, if only I had any clue what car I wanted.

Dear Mr. Big

Recently you wrote to me and I cried my eyes out. I cry every time I read it. And I have read and reread it countless times. However, I realized something reading that letter; I realized that although I said I would never let anyone break me again, I did, in fact, break again. I used to think breaking was a bad thing. I’ve realized this is a good thing. To break, you have to allow someone in to a place where you are vulnerable enough to break, where they quite literally have your heart in their hands. I let you in to a place in my life that very few are ever allowed in to. I’m guarded, I’m closed off, and there are good reasons for that. But, I let you in there. Some would say having broken before I should have never let you in. Some would say having broken again I should be angry and hateful. Well, am I angry? Sometimes. Hateful? No. Hurt? Yes. Happy? Sometimes. Are those people right and I’m wrong? Maybe. Am I right and they’re wrong? Maybe.

All that being said, I am choosing to do something you actually taught me, see the bright side to all of this. I learned from you in this whole crazy thing. In the beginning I wanted nothing you did, in the middle I wanted everything you did, in the end, I’m unsure what either of us wants. One minute I still want what we both wanted, the next minute I simply take comfort in what we had and cherish what once was, the next minute I look forward to what will one day be for me. So am I conflicted? Yes. Those questions you said in the letter I asked of you, yup, I continue to ask them, whether to myself, out loud to the universe, or to you directly. However, I’m starting to let go of those questions, day by day, little by little, because I know that I may never have the answers.

You have been a friend to me in a way I never expected or could have ever anticipated. I’m letting the good of that out weigh the bad of other things. You have been my very own cheerleader in so many things that I can’t even begin to say thank you. You also helped me to realize things I want for my life, for my future I wasn’t quite sure I wanted or how to get to, for that I also say thank you.

You say to me you don’t want to let go and you get angry when I say I am, but I don’t really see any other way for either of us to move forward, particularly when it seems looking on the outside in, you are, in fact, letting go. When we first started talking, we were walking in two different directions. I was going, quite literally, east, very Far East, and you were, well, staying west. Then, somewhere along the way, I stopped going east and I met up with you in the west. Now, I find us, once again, in two totally different directions. You are still here planted firmly in the west, and I’m, well, I’m hopefully going somewhere. I just haven’t quite figured out which direction yet, but I’m hoping its south.

I know not everyone will understand why I would be so positive about a situation such as ours, and believe me I have my good and bad days, my accepting days and my angry days, my sad days and my happy days. But my life is not for others to understand or even accept. My life is mine to live. Am I a perfect person, God knows, no I’m not. But, I’m me and sometimes in life there are things we need to learn to continue on the path of becoming and bettering ourselves. Learning to let someone in is a good thing, even if not right or not meant to stay; I needed to learn that lesson and you helped teach me that.

I don’t know what my future holds, but that’s equal parts exciting and scary. There are all these possibilities for my life. I know I’ll get out there and grab them. I wish you well in your exciting and scary future and I know you wish me well in mine. We will get where the universe means for us to get in our lives. But for that moment in time, we made a memory.

My vagabond life

I grew up in a 4 bedroom house with a great front yard and back yard. By great, I mean, room to run and play as a kid. This is an important fact to point out because, having grown up in Southern California most people have barely a postage stamp they can call a front or back yard…and they’re lucky if they get two postage stamps as opposed to just one. My childhood, by no means easy, was a good one. I won’t get into the whoa is me’s of childhood, not really my point. My parents moved to Southern California from Connecticut before I was born. They were sick of the snow and cold, hard winters. My father’s parents and younger brother and his family moved out to Southern California as well. When my father was a child his family moved around a lot. He hated it and vowed never to do that to us. My parents haven’t moved from their house since they purchased it in 1973. Maybe like baldness, the desire to move constantly skips a generation.

While I enjoyed my life growing up in Southern California, and hey, who wouldn’t living just 20 minutes from the beach, I wanted out. Although in a major metropolitan area, I felt like I was stuck in this tiny world and I needed to get out. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go or how in the hell I wanted to get out, but I knew I wanted out. First step was studying abroad at 21 in Paris for a semester. Yes, Paris, France. My first venture out of mom and dad’s home and I step off the plane into a city that’s filled with as much smoke as a hole in the wall bar on a Friday night, is grey in an almost melancholy way, as if even the city itself was annoyed with the world, has a subway system I couldn’t begin to understand (but every time I got on I thought of that Berlin song, riding on the metro-oh), and oh, I didn’t speak a word of their language, except oui, s’il vous plait, and bonjour. I never believed in love at first sight, until that moment. I loved Paris. Did I get homesick? Of course. But I’d never trade a second of my time there for anything in this world. I got to spend time in a city in a way many don’t. I became a local, in a way. I knew my way around the metro, I knew where the non-touristy places were to hang out, and I reveled in baguettes, cheese, and a bottle of wine for dinner at night (ok, maybe that was totally touristy but I was a starving student). I did completely random things like go see the Mighty Mighty Bosstones in concert; walk the Tuileries simply because it was a beautiful day; go to Chili’s with friends and get completely wasted on their version of Mike’s Hard Lemonade (maybe it WAS Mike’s Hard Lemonade, I honestly don’t remember) simply because it was hot and we were homesick.

After Paris I came back to California and I felt stuck, so, I did the totally logical thing and went to finish my bachelor’s degree at the University of Wyoming in Laramie, WY, population 27,000. Totally makes sense, right? I’ll never forget when I first drove into Laramie. I was with my parents and as we came into town off of 80 East we drive right through downtown and made a left heading toward campus. I remember looking at the downtown shops. The sky was the bluest blue I’d ever seen but everything around me seemed brown, not dirty, just brown, and everywhere I looked I saw, what I called giant Christmas trees. The downtown area seemed to be all at once stuck in the past and perfectly situated for the current time. That night we went to dinner and drove around a bit. My first question was, where’s the mall? Where’s the city? My parents laughed and said you picked this place. Again, homesick in the beginning, once I gave UW a shot, I made some amazing friends, many of whom I’m still in daily contact with and visit often. As with Paris, I don’t regret the decision to go to UW. I loved the football and basketball games, the parties, and as much as I complained about the work I loved learning and I can honestly say I wouldn’t be where I am today had I not gone to UW.

After UW I moved to Denver. My time there was miserable. I hated my job, hated my apartment, all my friends were a two hour drive away, I knew no one in Denver. Looking back I learned a lot while I was in Denver. I learned that friends don’t just show up on your doorstep, you have to get out and look for them. I learned that your life is what you make of it, and while I was in Denver I didn’t make much of it. I left Denver and went back to Southern California feeling like a failure. I was 24.

After a few years back in my parents house and getting my life together, I finally had the courage to make the one move I’d always dreamt of…moving to NYC. I was 27. Ok, so I never actually made it to NYC, but close, I’ve been in North Jersey for the past 7 years (with a side note work deviation back to Southern California for 6 months). I took what I’d learned in Denver and did everything in NJ the opposite of how I did things in Denver. I think it’s worked out quite well for me. I have a ridiculous amount of amazing friends that sometimes I think, if I’d never have moved here I’d never have known any of these people exist. And they’re so important in my life I can’t imagine not knowing they exist. I would not be who I am today without knowing each and every one of them.

I’m struggling a bit though right now. I put down roots in January when I purchased my first home. 9 months into it and I’m already thinking, where can I go? In my 7 years living here I’ve now moved (if you count the trip to and back from CA) 6 times. The reason I was in California for work was I was waiting for a VISA to go and work in Dubai. That VISA never came through, which is why I’m now back in NJ. It bothers me sometimes that I didn’t get the chance to work in Dubai. I really, really wanted to do it. I’ve always dreamt of working internationally. I’m trying to say there was a reason I didn’t go and it will one day show itself to me. But I was ready, when I left NJ, I was ready for what I thought was the next chapter in my vagabond life and it didn’t happen. I wonder sometimes, am I running from or running to something? I love my home, I love my friends, I love NJ, but I feel this pull for something else out there. I just am not quite sure yet what or where.