Here and now

I read an interesting article today. The article started off, before you rush into resolutions and creating high expectations for 2012, celebrate what you accomplished in 2011. However big or small, celebrate what you accomplished and your past year. The article continued to explain about practicing contentment with who and where you are right here, right now. This is something I could relate to because I am someone who struggles with being content both with who I am and the here and now.

I feel as if sometimes I live my life as a drug addict. No I am not addicted to any drugs, nor do I even recreationally participate. But in the way a drug addict is always seeking that next high, I am always seeking that next great thing in my life. That “thing” could be, literally a new “thing”, or it could be marriage, children, a new/better job, more money, to lose more weight. Whatever it is at the moment, I’ve realized something about myself over the past few months; I struggle with contentment in the here and now.

Looking back over my 2011, I’ve had quite a few ups and downs. I’ve had some really high highs and really low lows. I’ve spent a lot of this year locked in my own head. It’s been a year for me of discovering a lot about myself that I never knew before. I’ve owned up to myself about fears I have, things I’ve done, and what I truly want for myself, my future, and my life. But in doing so, I still find myself saying; once this happens then life will be perfect. If I can just get this done, then life will be perfect. Instead of sitting back and saying, life is perfect, right here, right now, just as it is. I find myself so often saying, I want, I want, I want. I don’t know how often I find myself saying, I give, I give, I give. Whether that giving be of my time, my money to a charitable contribution, or just giving of myself to those I love. I have been quite selfish in 2011 and it wasn’t until recently that it hit me just how selfish I have been this year. I locked myself away into myself, purposely pushing people away and only seeing the world from my eyes…all of which were selfish acts. I do believe that we as humans sometimes should be selfish. If we don’t take time for ourselves and always give of ourselves what do we have left? However, we cannot be selfish all the time either. There has to be a balance. A yin and yang in life.

So, learning from my mistakes I plan to correct that. Looking back on 2011 I have more good in my life than I could ever imagine. 99.9% of the good in my life is each and every person I am lucky enough to call friend and family. Am I still on a quest for the life I hope to achieve? Yes! As a classic Type-A personality, of course I am. BUT, learning from those around me, learning from myself, I not only vow to be better about being content in the here and now, I vow to be a better human being. One of the items on my 101 list is to lose nothing from this past year and always carry it with me. This year has been one of learning about me, the good, the bad, and the ugly and one of learning more about life than I ever knew before. I just hope by carrying this last year with me I put more positive effects out into the world than negative.

A season of first’s

So, as the end of 2011 closes in, and my 35th birthday closes in on me even faster, I finally did a few things I had never done before in my life. First, I bought a new car. I have never bought a new car before. I have always owned used cars. I have always wondered what that new car smell was like. I’ve also always wondered what it was like to pick out the exact car you wanted. The one you just had to have. I did pick it out…a Ford Edge. And then I found out it was so ridiculously out of my price range that I literally laughed at the sales guy. Not willing to sacrifice everything I wanted on the car (the bells and whistles) simply to meet my budget, I said no. The sales and finance guys were floored that I walked out on what they said was a ridiculous deal. Maybe it was a ridiculous deal they were offering me. But I just wasn’t willing to compromise that much to hit the number in my budget. I learned something about myself that day. I learned just because someone tells me something is great and I should do it, doesn’t mean I have to. Instead, I went to Jeep and got myself a Jeep Liberty. That sales guy was great. No pressure. Let me take my time. Answered every question I had and never got frustrated or lost his patience with me. And, he hit my budget number WITH all the bells and whistles still on the car. I have to say, every morning now when I get in my car, I’m happy. I just am happy with my decision and love my car AND that to me is an amazing feeling. I think I love it the most because aside from getting advice from those I love and trust, and Road and Track magazine as my father taught me, I did this on my own. I looked around, I researched, I went to the different dealerships, and I chose the option that was best for me.

Another first for me was my first professional football game. On Dec. 4 I went to the Green Bay vs Giants game. I have always gone to college football games and LOVED those. I always wanted to go to a professional football game, but just never had the opportunity. Growing up in southern California we lost both our football teams when I was in junior high school to other cities. Los Angeles has yet to get a football team back. But, I digress. I had a blast at the game. The Giants lost but it STILL was super fun. We tailgated and had great seats and awesome fans around us which helped to make the game even that much more fun. It reminded me of being in college. Everyone having fun, enjoying the game, the excitement in the air, I definitely want to go to more and more games now...although I believe I'm still a ways away from being a season ticket holder.

The other first for me this season was decorating my house for Christmas alone and NOT being depressed about it. I pulled out my tree (I should mention it’s totally a fake), grabbed all my decorations, wreath, candles and had at it. I turned on the holiday music channel on my tv. I fought with my cat to get out of the tree box. I then spent (literally) days trying to find the metal hooks to hang my Christmas ornaments on the tree. At least I didn’t have to fight with the lights. That’s the beauty of fake trees…they already have lights on them! I have to admit, almost the entire time over the weekend that I was decorating I kept thinking, you’re supposed to be doing this with someone, but I would push that thinking out of my head and just went for it and tried to have fun with it. In the end I love the decorations I put up and am super happy to come home at night and turn on my Christmas lights. I’m glad I put up the decorations. It has helped make me excited for the coming holiday. I’m not sure what it is about the holiday’s that makes people so depressed. It seems like such a happy time of year. But, inevitably, people always get depressed. I get it, but I don’t. Maybe it’s the hype? Maybe it’s the retailers pushing the “merry happiment” bull down our throats. Maybe it’s that we as human’s have a tendency to focus on what we don’t have or haven’t accomplished instead of focusing on what we do have and what we have accomplished. I’m not really sure what it is, but I’m proud to say I didn’t let the holiday’s depress me. Not this year. You didn’t win.